Food diary entry: Hair with a side of lice

I really don't have a problem with eating healthier. I love salads -- but the problem is, I used to reward myself for eating 8 calories in a cup of romaine lettuce by following it with 298 calories in two chocolate truffles. More lettuce, veggies, fruit = more chocolate!

I got used to eating salads in college, when the only thing that looked reasonably petroleum-free was the salad bar. There were certain things I wouldn't try, but when you order a salad in a restaurant you don't always have a choice of what to include or leave out.

Once I was having lunch with a friend and we both ordered an interesting looking Asian salad. I had no idea what was Asian about it, but I was more interested in chatting with my friend than in what we were eating. The plate was plopped down in front of me and the first thing that caught my eye was the cloud of what I assumed to be vegetable matter. My friend said "they're alfalfa sprouts, try them."

I stuck my fork into what looked like a pile of bleached pubic hair with tiny green lice clinging onto the ends. I picked up a few shreds of the stuff and brought it to my nose to sniff it out -- it had a weird vegetative smell sort of like... mold. I politely moved as much of the cloud of hair with lice off my plate and plowed forth through the rest of my salad. Thank God there was chicken on it.

I have since learned to like alfalfa sprouts in small doses, but my first exposure was a shock. Personally I still think the texture is just like pubic hair but I know the fiber is good for me, so I'll cheerfully eat it whenever it presents itself, as long as there's enough dressing.

I still can't eat garbanzo beans. Why anyone would eat something that looks like a tumor is beyond me -- I look at those gnarled yellowish things and imagine them being plunked into a stainless steel pan and rushed off to the pathology lab. Ick. Why can't they devote those acres of land to growing something more palatable?

One cup alfalfa sprouts = 10 calories. Enough dressing to choke them down = 100 calories. Faithfully recorded in my daily food diary.