Meditation

I was really anxious to do the meditation part of the Project. I have never had a problem sitting still - no manic bursts of activity for me. Put me on a beach and I will happily loll on my beach chair all day, watching nature and the world go by. I am friendly with entropy.

So since I've got kids at home, and the usual stresses of a job and zillions of kid activities -- driving back and forth to basketball practice, Boy Scouts, shopping at Michael's at the last minute to get supplies for the African tribal mask that MUST be created for school tomorrow or the teacher will haul my kid into the room where they keep the furnace and make her scrub the floor with a sponge held in her teeth -- I was really looking forward to shutting my door and meditating for as long as I could to release the stress in a healthy way. I told my kids that this was part of my Project and to please respect my effort by not disturbing me for at least fifteen minutes.

So I go up to my bedroom and prepare. Put my pillow on the floor, light a candle, and assume the meditation position. Very comfortable, egg under the armpit, rice paper between the thumbs.

The first minute is bliss. I am repeating a phrase in my mind - "Mindful - Peaceful - Loving." I relax into it and begin the process of emptying my mind of random thoughts when I hear the first slammed door. A tiny burst of tension causes my left eyelid to twitch.

I continue with the phrase, keeping my eyes closed, and remember the advice of letting thoughts or interruptions be as a leaf floating away on a river. Mindful, mindful, mindful, peace, peace, peace.....

I hear my son yelp, then a muffled thud. Then another sound like a dog scratching the floor and finally they both erupt into yelling at each other -- "You stole the remote from me you little nutloaf! I hate you and you're STUPID!" "Yeah well Mom said I could have it and you're just OW OW OW stop kicking me! OWWW!!!" The dog is now barking at them. I hear my daughter scream at my son to shut up because "Mom's meditating you're gonna get me in trouble!"

OK, they have successfully negotiated a truce. I have not moved, or broken my breathing pattern, but my blood pressure is up and I feel myself becoming annoyed. I am aware. Yes. I am very, very aware, and I am ANNOYED.

Five more minutes. I have almost reached the calm sensation I was working for and can feel my body lighten when I hear my daughter screeching "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!! YOU PSYCH you better not read my messages or I'll KILL YOU!!" and finally "Mom! Mom!MoooooOOOOOMMMM!!"

Now my teeth are grinding and my mantra has changed from "mindful, peaceful, loving," to "SHUT THE FUCK UP I'm trying to be MINDFUL AND PEACEFUL!"

My ten minutes was up. I blew out my candle, relaxed my shoulders, and decided that the next meditation would be in a much more appropriate location, like a gas station bathroom or maybe Canada.